Giving Kids the Femenist Advantage

Being a parent continues to be one of the most difficult challenges I have faced in my life. As parents, we make thousands of decisions for our children and it seems everyone has an opinion to offer. There are books, podcasts, and shows dealing with the technical aspects of parenting; such as diet, potty training, sleep training, behavioural issues, etcetera. Unfortunately there is no handbook outlining how to teach children about underlying societal expectations. The one thing I am certain of is that her father and I want to raise Aurora to be a strong, assertive, independent girl. I consider the situations in which I struggled growing up, all the emotions I didn’t understand or circumstances that I felt were unjust, but couldn’t articulate; these are the situations I hope to better prepare my daughter for. Luckily, we have feminism.  Being feminists has allowed her father and me to give our daughter the gift of perspective, the ability to acknowledge and consider the ways in which social norms have, and will affect her life. Thanks to feminism, I have been teaching my daughter to understand, debate, and provide solutions to harmful societal expectations like gender norms, racism, and toxic masculinity.

            Making children aware of gender norms, and the alternative options to abiding by them, is empowering. It allows children the freedom and confidence to be themselves, follow their interests, and reject the expectations that they are bombarded with in day-to-day life. Feminists like Sharon Lamb, Lyn Mikel Brown, and Peggy Orenstein beautifully illustrate the damage that can be caused by the way our culture influences our young people. Disney, gendered toys, body image, and gender stereotypes have all been topics at our dinner table. Our goal is never to shame or disapprove of Aurora’s interests, or the interests of her friends, but moreso to teach her to think critically about the images and pressures that are being presented to her.

            As Aurora has gotten older, race is becoming something that she has been asked about several times. Her father is Chinese and I am Caucasian, which leads many people to ask her about her background. We have received several comments about her exotic appearance and how beautiful she is. Racialized sexuality is just one of the issues Marrika Morris addresses in her article about the intersection of race and gender. With Aurora turning eleven this year, “The Talk” will be coming up soon. Being able to have a discussion about racialized sexualization will provide her with better judgement when choosing her future partners.

            Finally, feminism has allowed Aurora to become an ally. Her father has never fit the hegemonic masculine ideals; he is a very well dressed, artistic, and compassionate individual. We have had multiple conversations about toxic masculinity and the ways in which it can be so damaging to men and boys, along with the ways in which she can support her friends. I am beyond excited to share the work of Jackson Katz with her in one of our upcoming dialogues.

            My daughter is just about eleven! Social media, puberty, frienemies and sex are right around the corner; it is a nerve-wracking stage for a parent. So far, we’ve made it through all things pink, Barbie, and Disney with flying colours! I cannot wait to introduce Aurora to writers like Roxane Gay, Jessica Valenti, and Mia McKenzie. Parenting is still the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but thankfully we have an army of feminists to guide all three of us through the minefield of her teenage years.